Thursday, December 30, 2010

Personal Grooming: A Dangerous Trend

Okay, children of the eighties. You will recognize the slippery slope we've been descending since our youth. Back in the day personal hygiene responsibilities were basic. Shower daily, shave your face or legs and pits depending on gender. At the time I thought that was pretty unfair since I am borderline furry and have to shave every day, twice if I want to show some leg without a five o'clock shadow.

Summer upped the ante for us gals. The bathing suits had gone decidedly northwards and the expectation was that no hair show beneath the line of the suit. (Thanks, Sports Illustrated.)

Note the severe vertical line of the bikini bottom.

Whatever happened after you crossed that line was your own affair. Since razor burn on the upper/inner thigh is nearly as unsightly as awkwardly escaping hairs of the extremely intimate variety, alternative, permanent methods of hair removal gained popularity. Electrolysis. Absolutely medieval, people. I know. I tried it and wasn't man enough to handle it.

This trend toward beautiful, hairless skin caused no end of consternation but in the grand scheme of things, we didn't know how good we had it. Those damn Playboy girls took it to the next level. I turned around twice and gals were opting for anything from the landing strip to bald as a cue ball. (That was where I drew the line. No lasers, no electrical shocks, and no razors. Dudes, some things are sacred.)

This hairless pussy is clearly unhappy.

Starlets, showing off their well coiffed hoo-hahs, all went commando in their mini whatevers. All of a sudden, the collective acceptance of which goodies you show and which ones you cover up changed. It went from a sedate amount of cleavage to a free-for-all, including hints of butt crack in $5000 Golden Globes gowns.

Celebrity flaunting bald vajajay

And now it is time to draw the line. All these bald or thinly fuzzed peep-show personal areas have engendered a strange new notion. You should care what your va-jay-yah looks like. To the point that they now have jewelry and plastic surgery for it.

Bedazzled vajayjay

No. Just. NO.

Not reconstructive, like post delivery repair work. The pretty-it-up kind. If you have a few thousand dollars to spend on personal improvement, body repair, whatever you want to call it then why, for the love of all that is holy, would you spend it on a place that presumably only your MD will be looking at very closely? Even your partner should be, erm, focused on other things. Like what you're doing with it. Or what they're doing with it. It's not exactly celebrated for its innate beauty, like, say, a nice rack. A pretty waist. The small of the back.

And seriously. Hef's sac must look like two old socks with golf balls in the bottom by now. Think he's going under the knife? Or even cares?

Sock stuffed with ball. Observe the unaesthetic nature of said article.

I'm going with the old-fashioned way to achieve desirability, myself. Keep it exclusive and voila! It's a hot commodity. When the fellas start going in for ball lifts, maybe I'll give it some more thought.

Nope, not even then.


  1. You slay me.

    I had no idea about this new trend. Have we killed girls' self esteem so completely? I'm baffled by this.

  2. By the way, when I post on my blog I like to include some photos to add some visual flair. I'm sure the Internet could help you with that for your posts, like this one.

  3. I am too, Pete, but there was and OB-GYN in the last place we lived who has essentially shifted his entire practice to "rejuvenation" procedures. This is in a fairly rural area in Georgia and he apparently has a waiting list. WTH?

  4. Pete, I have to see if I can find photos. I have some good ones in mind.

  5. Now with visual aids. Just for Pete. I think he's does add a little something special.

  6. Don't worry about how fuzzy or not fuzzy you are. The people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care.

  7. ai ai ai

    The Tuf-Sock! A ha ha ha ha!

  8. @ Lydia: No worries at all. I embrace the "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. It also keeps me happy with my backside.

  9. That whole monastery thing is sounding better and better, isn't it?

    Really, just stopped by to say Happy New Year!

  10. Shaving the legs is a once every 6 months or so thing for me. Whenever I get a, um, wild hair. Can be done more often for sure, but I just don't care and I prefer soft hair to coarse stubble.

    In my old age, I have found that trimming certain hair makes life easier at certain times. Really ready to be done with certain times. *sigh*

    But yeah, the body jewelry? So not understanding that one. Does not sound comfortable. About as bad as the nose piercings and how do you keep them booger free?

  11. This is about the funniest thing I've read in ages! And I was reading at work, so my coworker was looking at me oddly while I'm chortling to myself.