Monday, January 11, 2010

Clarity of Night Silhouette Entry



Clarity of Night Flash Fiction Contest is underway right now. The photo, titled "Silhouette", is the prompt for your 250 words or less. The entries are fantastic. Mine is below.

Raptors 1, Hoyt 0

Boyd’s fingers looked positively cyanotic. His sigh rose silver and disappeared against the sheet metal sky. Deer hunting sucked. Nothing to do but sit in the cold and wait.

“Want a pull? Warm you up,” Hoyt said. Beefy fingers held out the pretentious sterling flask.

“No, thanks. Might have to pee.”

“Smart, kid. Don’t worry about scaring the deer off, though. I got a jug up in here.”

Boyd eyed the old milk jug. No way he was sticking his pecker in that thing. Hell, there was no way he was whipping it out. Instant dicksickle.

“’s light out. I reckon we give it another twenty minutes. Maggie’ll be disappointed.”

Maggie hates venison.

“Yeah. Maybe next time.” Boyd kept his own counsel with his future father-in-law.

“Hot damn!”

Hell. “Where?”

“Up there! I got the mate a couple weeks ago. Damn sumbitches got all my call birds before quail season even started.”

“I think there’s a pretty big fine for shooting raptors.”

Thunder shook the blind and the hawk sheered left. Hoyt couldn’t hit the broad side of the barn that drunk and hawks are a hell of a lot smaller than deer.

“I’m too old and too rich to let some tree huggin’ fed tell me how to manage my own damn land.”

The hawk circled back while Hoyt reloaded. The hawk shot first.

“What the hell?” Hoyt’s hand smeared the gooey brown mess from his pate into the fringe hair tufted over his ear.

“Least bird shit’s warm.”

18 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this--I loved all the details and how you wove in certain information smoothly. And Hoyt definitely got what was coming to him! ;)

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  2. Ahh. Will not look here, but will read it over there.

    Thanks for your comment on mine!

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  3. well done the hawk! Thanks for your comment on mine!

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  4. I liked the way the story started between Boyd and Hoyt.

    You interpreted as a Hawk..My goodness and when you said...it circled above..that thing was shuddering..

    Good attempt :-)

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  5. Thanks, Crafty Green Poet and Mahesh, for stopping by!

    Mahesh, in this part of the continental US that silhouette is nearly always a red tailed hawk or a turkey vulture. The vulture's wings tip up at the end which is the only way to make the distinction at a distance. Red-tailed hawks, though federally protected, are very common here.

    They are absolutely gorgeous in flight and on the hunt. I had the privilege of seeing more than one pluck a field mouse or mole from our yard over the past two years. Noble birds.

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  6. This is delicious, and fun to read ... I loved the ending.

    I came by to thank you for reading my submission on Lidia. I sent in the wrong file, but I took my medicine like a big girl … it was hard, but still you saw the merit in the story, and for that I thank you.

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  7. Love this story! I wish that kind of karma would happen to everybody that deserves it. I'm sure the SIL was wondering what he is getting himself into.

    Thanks for commenting on my CoN entry :)

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  8. Thanks Amias and Janel! Thanks for stopping by here, as well!

    Amias: I thought the spirit of your story shone through the very minor mistakes here and there. If you ever want a proofread, let me know. I am decent with grammar and fancy myself capable of understanding voice over rules. It helps a lot to have a fresh pair of eyes, especially when you know what you meant and that's what you see!

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  9. I see that you are an aspiring writer or so i read ;) Good to see that.

    Though i have a long long way to go on that road, i was thinking we should be friends and lets see how it goes..

    Becoming each others critic is one thing I see what we can do for one another.

    Do let me know.. :)

    Cheers
    Mahesh

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  10. Mahesh: I'm in! I love reading other WiPs and can always use help with my own.

    Cheers, Dears!

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  11. LOVED this take on the photo! Your dialogue in this piece still cracks me up, and I've read it several times.
    :-)

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  12. Thanks, Chris! And congrats on your honorable mention! I'm clinging tightly to my second round in the forties club :)

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  13. I like this one very much.
    Your characterization was superb.

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  14. HUZZAH! Nice work. Also: DICKSICKLE!!!! OMG!

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  15. TKx, Bernita! Still loving your Anne in the Tower piece, as well. It was in my top ten.

    LeR: Thanks. Dicksickle made me snicker, too. Probably my favorite thing about writing. It's a socially acceptable form of multiple personality disorder. Too bad Boyd's engaged and I'm married. Well, that and he's fictional. I do like the boys who make me giggle.

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  16. Hoyt definitely got what was coming to him! ;)

    Work from home India

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  17. kanishk: Too bad it wasn't something more...!

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