Friday, June 10, 2011

30 Days of Creativity™

30 Days of Creativity™ is a registered trademark of The Rejectionist Services, Intl.®, the same people who have been eschewing the lowest common denominator and dropping Mordor on your party since 2009. TRS is currently offering a Strong Language Advisory for their clients.

I did not think I would participate in this intriguing event, as it is now summer vacation for the Pirate and the Princess. Summer Vacation, the annual spiritual trial is also known as the Season of Ashes and Sackcloth, is marked by sunscreen textured fingerprints, a redneck above ground inflatable swimming pool, and inappropriate language in front of minors as I scrape fingerpaint handprints off the walls.

Plus, I'm wrestling a manuscript and closing in on victory. 

But I thought about it and realized that every day around here offers some example of creativity. Maybe not the sort that The Rejectionist® had in mind, but definitely creative. Here is how we are observing 30 Days of Creativity™:

Princess realized her kitty had a Velveteen Rabbit complex:

Mouser the real cat plus Princess' stuffed kitty
One day, I will be a REAL KITTY!

Pirate was in charge of the end of the year Teacher Gift. (I was room mom. What can I say, I lost a bet.) The kids all painted tee-shirts (Guess which square is the Pirate's!) and we took them to a quilter who made this:

Best Teacher Gift Ever

We rescued a batch of peaches from their sad state of decline on our kitchen counter and made peach ice cream. OH! And we painted the aforementioned redneck above ground inflatable swimming pool. Along with ourselves. The artistic stylings in crayola washable paint did not survive for long, but we did employ the pool in a creative fashion to create our own redneck spa:

Escaping household temp of 85℉ due to @##!^% landlord's unwillingness to fix. 

But Tuesday saw the pinnacle of our efforts in 30 Days of Creativity™. Daddy scared Pirate after bedtime on Monday night. He hid in the hallway and pounced from the dark, yelling loud and scary noises. Pirate jumped out of his skin and vowed revenge. Revenge took this form:

Snakes in the toilet!

So, yeah, I guess I'm throwing my hat in the ring for 30 Days of Creativity™, after all. Just don't expect a tapestry, a mural, or a hand knit toilet cozy. Around here we decorate our toilets with snakes.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Things that are not normal but happen with frequency in Georgia

Rejectionist got me thinking with her post on things that are not actually normal but actually seem normal after 2.89 years in New York City. We all have a bit of the exotic in our own back yard. My own version, which provides an interesting compare and contrast:

  • A car horn that toots "Dixie", just like the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard.
  • Your neighbor drops by, without calling first, just to chat. And then she just wants to chat. She isn't there to complain about your yardwork, after all. Bizarre, that.
  • You won't see Bjork at an art happening, but you might see Charlie Daniels at the state fair.
  • Not one really amazing Mexican restaurant in a town with a Mexican restaurant on every corner.
  • Army guys patrolling the downtown streets on the weekend. To keep the Army guys in line.
  • The AC repair guy looks you straight in the eye and says, "Well, in this heat, 85℉ is about the coolest you can 'spect to get your house, even runnin' the unit all day." And he looks at you like you're crazier than a three-headed cat when you ask him how Target manages to keep it to 72℉ with a lot more square footage. Because girls aren't supposed to think of things like that.
  • It really is cheaper for the boy to take the car in for repair than the girl. Plus, they don't try to sell him a new air filter every time.
  • People think it's weird or very ballsy to go to the grocery store without makeup or fixing your hair.
  • People who won't buy their own liquor because they are afraid they might run into somebody from church at the liquor store.
  • Jehovah's witnesses at the door and Watchtower tracts in the mailbox. With regularity.
  • Answering the door nude when the Jehovah's witnesses come. They don't come back after that. They still leave the Watchtower tracts in the mailbox, though.
  • Air shows are a major social event.
  • Strip club next to the farmer's market, which is next to a tattoo parlor. And another one of each the next block down. Dancers and artists must require a lot of produce.
  • The nicest thing someone says to you all day is, "We'll be praying for you, bless your heart."
  • The meanest thing someone says to you all day is, "We'll be praying for you, bless your heart." Usually after they see the empty wine bottles in your recycle bin.