Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Things that are not normal but happen with frequency in Georgia

Rejectionist got me thinking with her post on things that are not actually normal but actually seem normal after 2.89 years in New York City. We all have a bit of the exotic in our own back yard. My own version, which provides an interesting compare and contrast:


  • A car horn that toots "Dixie", just like the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard.
  • Your neighbor drops by, without calling first, just to chat. And then she just wants to chat. She isn't there to complain about your yardwork, after all. Bizarre, that.
  • You won't see Bjork at an art happening, but you might see Charlie Daniels at the state fair.
  • Not one really amazing Mexican restaurant in a town with a Mexican restaurant on every corner.
  • Army guys patrolling the downtown streets on the weekend. To keep the Army guys in line.
  • The AC repair guy looks you straight in the eye and says, "Well, in this heat, 85℉ is about the coolest you can 'spect to get your house, even runnin' the unit all day." And he looks at you like you're crazier than a three-headed cat when you ask him how Target manages to keep it to 72℉ with a lot more square footage. Because girls aren't supposed to think of things like that.
  • It really is cheaper for the boy to take the car in for repair than the girl. Plus, they don't try to sell him a new air filter every time.
  • People think it's weird or very ballsy to go to the grocery store without makeup or fixing your hair.
  • People who won't buy their own liquor because they are afraid they might run into somebody from church at the liquor store.
  • Jehovah's witnesses at the door and Watchtower tracts in the mailbox. With regularity.
  • Answering the door nude when the Jehovah's witnesses come. They don't come back after that. They still leave the Watchtower tracts in the mailbox, though.
  • Air shows are a major social event.
  • Strip club next to the farmer's market, which is next to a tattoo parlor. And another one of each the next block down. Dancers and artists must require a lot of produce.
  • The nicest thing someone says to you all day is, "We'll be praying for you, bless your heart."
  • The meanest thing someone says to you all day is, "We'll be praying for you, bless your heart." Usually after they see the empty wine bottles in your recycle bin.

9 comments:

  1. LOL, I saw The Rejectionist's posts and was thinking the same thing about spending 8 years in New Orleans...

    Bless your heart!

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  2. "People who won't buy their own liquor because they are afraid they might run into somebody from church at the liquor store." LOL. interesting one, that :)
    and, PA has the Jehovahs too. And also, the nude thing works up here too... *cough* although, to their credit, they still tried to convert during the nudity. just averted eyes to heavens...

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  3. Love the insights, especially the last one.

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  4. Without further speculating on the subject of strippers and produce, which I will assume for the sake of decency is being eaten without non-standard methods of preparation, I would like to comment on the importance of wine bottles in the recycle bin:

    We recently had a Very Windy Day in Ohio, and a good amount of recycleable material turned into litter dancing along the curbs and sidewalks in the neighborhood. There were some stray recycle bins in the road too, apparently trying to fill themselves back up.

    MY recycle bin, however, was secure at the edge of the lawn, and all of the materials I put in it stayed in it, thanks to the weight of the wine bottles.

    So you see, drinking copious amounts of wine is not only good for your heart, it is good for the environment. Who knew red wine was really green?

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  5. Tere: My heart feels blessed!

    Ellen:
    I know, right? That cracks me up every time I hear it. Which is more than you would think. I'm the designated buyer for more than one of my circle of acquaintances.

    Steve: I pray for them right back.

    Rick: That's IT! PRECISELY! I'm environmentally conscious. We live in Tornado Alley, dammit.

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  6. We live down the street from a Jehovah's Witness hall, and I'm pretty sure that my house is specifically targeted as "training zone" due to my politeness. Sometimes I hide.

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  7. This is hysterical! Thanks for the laugh.

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  8. Heather: Oh, dear.

    Rebecca: My pleasure. I definitely live in a "laugh about it or cry" geography. We're close to mountains, beach, and lake, however. so it does have its perqs.

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  9. I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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